More memories.

Drove up to see my parents today - so was back where I grew up. Driving along past Cheney Fields, I had an overwhelming wave of Nostalgia, for the late 80's. Heading back from Pinner station, with Emma, my girlfriend, at the time. Walking up to West Way, then heading parallel to High View. crossing the road at the end of West Way, and into the footpath. Coming out onto the main road at the bottom of Cheney Street. I can remember the clothes I wore, the feel of the sun on my face, and the air around my fingers, as I brushed past the trees.
Memories so powerful I could taste them.

Another Saturday night,

I'm sitting in bed, wondering what to write.
One of the good things about this blog is now letting everything just tumble out, across the page. I'm quicker at typing, so I'm quicker to just dash off some thoughts. Those thoughts then, correspondingly, come  out more accurately than they did in the past. It's great not knowing what a post will be, what I'll talk about - if indeed, I'll talk about anything in particular.
Today has been a day of DJ-ing-  another BFLF, at Fire, in Vauxhall. So much fun, and proof that it all still moves me, even after al these years. I sometimes feel I'm going to seem like a fraud, and not really mean it. But then, the volume cranks up, out come those kick drums, and I'm away. I love it.
And - me and Dylan make a great team. I'm immensely proud of what we've achieved, and thankful for the opportunity to work together.
It's late now, and the clocks change tomorrow. Less time in bed - ugh. Better get under those sheets.
G'night, all.

Next on the list

I need to skate, again. Not just that, but I need to work on my frontside kickturns. I need to style some things out. Fall back in love with the flow. If I don't I'll just end up dreaming about it.

In Dreams

Vivid dreams last night - and more dreams of skyscrapers. It's a recurrent theme - for me, I'm not sure why. Always very tall, square, sheer sides. The whole thing is always quite "vertiginous". Lifts seem to play a constant role, and though the building never changes shape or narrows, the feeling of claustrophobia in the lift, as it reaches the summit, tends to increase. I think last night's dream featured a number of lifts: a main, large lift to a few floors before the top, and then having to switch to a smaller lift, for those final floors.
What it all means, I have no idea. I'm loathe to try and tie it to the current brexit brinkmanship, as it's a theme in my dreams that I've had for absolutely ages.
And - oddly, I dreamt of substances, too. Drugs that had no effect. Perhaps this is informed by my realisation (over the whole sobriety issue) that so much of that behaviour is essentially ritualistic.

Ah, that's quite enough soul-searching for now. Time to do the school run.

Hurrah!

One of the advantages of Google+ vanishing into the ether, is that  - here on this little blog - I'm reverting to a Blogger profile. There's something rather comforting about that, I must admit,
I'm sitting in bed, at the moment, musing on the indicative votes for the Brexit process (huge, huge sigh) and wondering whether to read a little more of the Murakami.
I've also been thinking, in a scattershot way, about lots of things from my past. Oddly, about when I sued to smoke. Coming back from Manchester, in a white 205 GT, doing 90mph down the M6. Stopping at the services, for snacks, and to sit in the hot sun. A full ashtray in the car. Rather shamefully, probably throwing the odd butt out of the window.
How did I do all of this? How did I not notice how bad the car smelled? Or how my clothes stank? All of my mistakes (for that's how they seem to me now) are a part of me, but it's strange trying to reconcile them with how I am now.

First Cut

....But certainly not the deepest. The lawn has been trimmed, for the first time this year. So, the mower is at its highest setting, as the grass is just still so deep, and lush. Plus, it's tricky to get it entirely dry, at this time of year -but obviously, you do need to finally cut it. So, it's a bit of a balancing act. It's a suburban ballet - everyone seems to be looking over each others fences, waiting to see who makes the first move - and then, there's just this weekend where all of us seem to head for the shed, simultaneously.
But, it feels good, that's for certain. The garden looks tidy, for the first time in months, emerging from a really tough winter. Over the next few months, I'd love to do a lot out there - but there's gigs on the horizon. Let's see how it all pans out.

A fragmented day.

Pip is off on the March, today  -so I've got the kids. Except they're all over the place too, with Marnie off at a birthday party, then straight off to Gym. Milo and me will spend at least a couple of hours in the car, zooming around the county, as we pick up, and drop off.
So, the time in between will be spent relaxing, I think.There's not much space to stretch it out into proper plans. I've done the shopping, I've got the meals planned out.... it's all in place.
New Murakami book turns up later, so when it does, I'll get stuck in.

Just write

Sometimes, that's all I want to do. I'm actually getting better at typing now, so I can try and get everything out there, in real time. Previously, there always felt like there might have been some sort of disconnect. So, now I can let it flow, a little. Which feels good, and it's a little bit of a kick to the pants: a way of stimulating my thoughts, and laying them down on the page.
Today has been....OK, I guess. Some achievement, some forward progress. I'm a terrible procrastinator, so grinding the gears is a good thing.
More work on the new car issue (almost sorted - at least, decisions seem to be being made) and a lot of logistical focus on some upcoming shows. That includes, one in the US. First time for me, since a couple of months before 9/11. Time passes quickly, doesn't it?
And I finished the Murakami. I can't quite recall a time when a book moved me as much, and stayed in my mind. A long, slow, exhale. I'm buying another.

New Obsession

Regular readers to this blog will know, that every once in a while, a new obsession arises. I tend to throw myself into something, headlong, and stay there. I did it with Pink Floyd, a few years ago, and more recently - Miles Davis.
Well, the new obsession appears to be a minor offshoot of the Miles stuff.
It's "Sketches Of Spain".

For a long time, I've not really "got" Sketches - certainly, not to the same extent as other Miles albums. "Bitches Brew" has been a constant companion for the last few years - I'm not kidding when I say I think I've listened to "Pharaoh's Dance" pretty much every day. For me, it's become meditative, an exercise in mindfulness. It keeps me sane, inspired, full of optimism, and hope.

But Sketches was different - I never really appreciated it. Partly, I think, for the geographical specificity. To me, it felt like a Travelogue, or a tourist advert. How wrong I was. There's something about the album that's just.....grabbed me. Partly, this is down to my recent jaunt to Edinburgh - I sat on that plane, and made a conscious decision to zone out, and listen to an album, any album, in full. Preferably something I'd not listened to properly before. And there you have it - I just looked at Sketches in the Spotify menu, and thought "why not?"

It is an absolute masterpiece. It's transcendentally beautiful - almost spiritual in its power. There are moments which are genuinely transformative. This being one of them, Miles's solo, around two thirds of the way through, which rises, and then collapses on itself, in a series of jaw-dropping descending, mournful blasts on the horn - is one of the most astonishing things I've ever heard.

- So, It's been three days now, and I've listened to nothing else. I'll keep you all posted, but I suspect this will continue for quite some time.

Edinburgh.

Well, I'm back from Edinburgh. Had a fantastic time - managed to pack a lot in, over the course of just one day. Left early Saturday, got back home about 6pm on Sunday. Relatively pain-free flights, which is always a bonus; though the take-off from Heathrow was a little hairy. I think it was the remnants of storm Gareth, but we were fishtailing down the runway on take-off, as the winds were so strong, and there was plenty of low-level turbulence too. One we were above the clouds, all was nice and serene. Great to see Jason (Narducey - bass player for Bob Mould), he's been a mate for 30 years.

 Having a drink, post-show. Hotel bar, the Radisson Collection, Edinburgh

 Flights there and back were on BA Airbuses. 321's, and 320's.

Always forget how different the weather can be - there was snow on the Pentland Hills.

Overall, it was a great trip. Best thing, for me, about solo travelling, is the chance to decompress: to organise mind, body, thoughts. To lose yourself in the process. that was my objective, and I think I got there. 

The Pledge Music collapse.

This has been a trying time, for the band. We launched two albums last year, via Pledge Music, but the platform is now imploding. We've not been paid, and others are owed sums far greater than us. It's all led to a slew of articles, and podcasts, and interviews, for me. I've not especially loved the attention - I'd much rather have had the funds, and been able to pay my bills! But, if it's a battle they want, then it's a battle they shall have, I'm nothing if not tenacious.
More details - the latest tweets, etc - are here:
It's Wreaked Havoc

Flying tomorrow

I'm off to Edinburgh in the morning - and I'm unfeasibly excited about it all. I just love solo travelling, the calm, and the focus that it brings me. I love everything about it - the airports, the queueing, the hanging around. Watching the world go by, out of the window of a plane.
Can't wait.
Today has been a little fragmented - went looking at new cars, which is always a bit of a buzz. Milo's got a play date, so I've finished cooking for kids, and we're next.

Dopp Kit

Well, seeing as I mentioned it in the last post - here's the Dopp Kit, all ready to go at the weekend.
I do see a lot of posts on all those "lifestyle and travel blogs", where people blog about their perfect travel experiences, and everything seems so shiny, and new. My Dopp kit is slightly more real, I guess.
It's a L'Occitane washbag (a bit tatty now). Bought in Portland, on a family holiday, back in 2015. Transparent, so good for TSA/Security, etc. There's an eye mask (from my last Air Canada flight, home from Calgary) and a spare cloth for cleaning my glasses. A travel toothbrush, and toothpaste. I'd like to use bamboo toothbrushes in the future (as I do at home) but that brush hasn't worn out, as yet. When it does, I'll replace it for something more sustainable. Tins have deodorant (Body Shop Aromoco) and solid shampoo and conditioner. I break fragments off larger blocks, for short journeys. The silver tin at the front has some BLack & White hair wax (lasts forever) and the small atomiser contains my Cologne. Somehwat pretentiously, but also rather sustainably - it's a discontinued fragrance, I have to get from eBay - Crabtree & Evelyn Cologne. The pot of vitamins is actually Centrum Mens 50+ (oh, the glamour - but they work, for me). there's only a few in there, which means there's room for some Melatonin, and a couple of sets of earplugs. Plus, the mini cologne bottle sits in there too, nice and safe.
So, overall, I'm happy with it. It's beaten up, it's not flashy, and it doesn't show that well, but it just WORKS, and that's the main thing, for me.

Quiet morning.

Just sat and read a dozen pages of Murakami, which really calmed me down. I feel much more contemplative, when I've been reading,  no matter what specific subject. And I'm looking out of the office window at a post-storm sky: bright, deep blue, solid and reassuring.
I'm also starting to look forward to my Edinburgh trip on Saturday. I get to fly, ac couple of times, I can stay in a nice hotel, meet friends, and think. I have a bag ready to go, with as little as I can take. A bare minimum of clothes, a book, and a dopp kit I've had sitting in the wardrobe for a while. I'm fascinated by effective dopp kits - keeping things tidy, efficient. I've got little slivers of soaps and deodorant in tins, hair wax in a small container, tiny pots with ear plugs and melatonin. there's a single razor, and shave oil, so as not to take up too much room. the entire thing is a finely honed machine.

Stormy.

It's blowy, squally, and downright horrid out there. Marnie has her bikeability lesson today, which the school are adamant will NOT be changed, bad weather or not. Sheesh.
I've had a haircut (holiday trim - in time for Edinburgh!) and am not settling down to do some admin.

I'm also listening to a lot of tunes that Hall Blaine played on, as he's just passed away. RIP, to one of the greatest - if not THE greatest, ever. I could listen to him, all day long. This clip really sums up why: the song isn't really that remarkable, at all, but it's Blaine's beautifully poised, swinging beats, that lift it into the realm of sheer magic.

Winding down.

Well, it's been a long day - but relatively stress-free. The party passed off well, Marnie did her swimming, the house is tidy, the fire is on. School shoes cleaned, school bags packed. Breakfast things on the table, ready for the morning.
And me? Well, I'm using the above materials, to make myself of bowl of something. That's hajinomoto, in the glass jar. So, rice, egg, Japanese soy sauce, and seasoning. No prizes for guessing what that makes......

All the news that's fit to speak.

Sitting in the playroom, looking out at a very wet garden (torrential rain last night) and checking news stories for tomorrow's bulletin. I really need to see if I can get it out of the way today, as tomorrow is always crazy. First day of the week, kids back to school (bags, clothes, shoes - all dispersed around the house) trying to get out of the house first thing in the morning is stressful enough without having to find another half hour to do the news. Plus, the cleaner turns up in the middle of all that chaos, and is liable to switch the hoover on.
So, I need to look at the NME Music news page, and parse some content. It's quite amazing how ALL of it seems to be about Michael Jackson, and R.Kelly. I did a bulletin - Friday, I think, where it was just sex abuse allegation stories, for three minutes. Ugh.
And, to top it all off, Milo's rescheduled birthday bash is this afternoon. Not quite a full party, just mates coming over for Pizza and cake - but the house will be a war zone for a few hours.
So, there'a trip to the supermarket that needs to be done, a kids party, a couple of meals to make....it seems so quiet, right now. I suspect that I'll look back and wonder what the hell went on, when I post later.

Reading again.

I know I've said it a couple of times before, but I'm reading again - and actively trying to increase the amount I read. That, more blogging, writing diary entries when I'm away (as in next weekend in Edinburgh). It's all an attempt to be less....transient, I suppose.
So, I'm reading Norwegian Wood by Murakami, again. I've given it a go before - and got a third of the way through, but drifted off. So, it's back to the start, with a fresh sense of purpose, after a year or two. I was like this wit the Wind Up Bird Chronicle too, and loved that second time around. I think there's an odd thing with Murakami, where your head has to be in the right space. You have to open your eyes - but also, your mind - and there seems to be no way of forcing that. Once you're ready - then you're ready.
Looks like I am.

Link desert.

So many of the posts in my archives contain links. And frankly, a lot of them are useless. I wish I could see what on earth I was on about. Stuff like "THIS has been making me laugh all day". That's it. That's the sum total of a post, and it's just a dead link. I think, if I'm going to make this a valid reflection of my life, I have to be a little more perspicacious about dropping in links. I can recall when I learned how to do it, and then it unleashed a torrent of the damn things. All pointing this site into a myriad of other directions. I guess what I need now is just one direction: my own.

Walking

That's what I do now. All the time - and as much as possible. Looking at the stats on my phone, yesterday I managed a little over 20,000 steps. Around 17km. I absolutely love walking/hiking, and it's nice to come to the realisation  that it was something which was always there. Yesterday was a lovely walk - though a little breezy. Following the Thamesdown link, across Ashtead Park, Rookery Hill, Chalk Lane, Crampshaw Lane, Stane Street - across the M25, then following the path until a long left turn round the golf course, and back via Slough Lane into Headley. All in all, around two and a half hours. I'm not kidding when I say I'd love to be able to do it every day.

How to start the day

Or, how not to. It's been a depressing beginning, for a Wednesday. Family stuff, normal pressures. Making me feel hollowed out, and useless. So, I'll try and balance that out, by showing you how my days normally start - and how that's helped me.
In the last six months, I've managed to finally get fit, and lose some weight - part of that has been because of sobriety, but it's also a process that's happened just because it felt like it was time. I've lost 45 pounds, which is a huge amount, I know - and oddly, it's actually been rather easy. In the past, it's always been half a stone here, a stone there. But this time around, the willpower I had discovered since kicking alcohol has served me in really good stead. I just managed to find a course of action, and stick to it. Perhaps more importantly, because I've now accepted change, that process was actually a lot of fun.
I'll deal with exercise another time, but I did want to focus a little on how I changed my diet - and the biggest part of that was finding a routine that helped me out, in the morning. Breakfast is such an important meal - not just for the nutritional values it gives you, but also for the statement it makes. This is how I'm starting my day! This is what I'm doing with my life!
I needed to find something that did all of those things, and was healthy, tasty, and felt right. So here's how it pans out.
I tend to get up before everyone else. Pip sets an alarm really early - 6am. But then, tends to snooze. Me? I'm now wide awake. So, I'll get up, no real point in lying there looking at the ceiling, So, I have time to cook, and to think. Breakfast for me is quite Zen - a chance to organise food, to be methodical. And I think that trickles down to me, and the rest of my day. "Start as you mean to go on", if I had to distill it into one simple phrase.
I have Soba Noodles for Breakfast, with various drinks to accompany. Soba are just wonderful: low GI, virtually no fat, low calories, lots of protein, and fibre. I get my packets from Amazon, on a regular order - they're authentic Japanese noodles, and not expensive at all. Soba noodles need five minutes on the hob, so while they're cooking, I'll get everything else together. Fill a Japanese tea cup with Green tea. Prepare a glass of iced water. Get a vitamin pill (Centrum Men's 50+, ah, old age!) And a glass of coconut milk.
Once the noodles are cooked, they're rinsed in cold water, and drained. Into a small bowl, and then topped with two finely sliced green onions. Shaken over the top - some toasted black sesame seeds, and some Furikake. Then, add some Tsuyu broth. This gives you that real Umami kick - some sweet, some salt. It's about 100ml of broth, I guess.
And that's it. Like I said - it's about having a healthy, great breakfast, but it's also about starting the day off, on the right foot.

Adsense.

Well, I got rid of it.
I had "earned" about £1.20. In three years. They don't make any payments until you hit sixty quid - and at current rates, that was going to take another decade, or more. And looking at the blog, with adverts, it was really, really ugly. So, I'd rather do without the cash, and have this little diary of mine as a bit of an oasis, away from all of that commercial nonsense. Hope that's OK.

More Keith.

It's been preying on my mind, a little, over the past day.
I know that there's been a ton of press about what a genius he was - and how he made the Prodigy great, and how terrible that someone so gifted could throw it all away. Well, what if it was us that created the persona, not him? I'm starting to think we created the need for that cartoon genius - and Keith was bright (and sensitive!) enough to realise the gap existed, and filled in the spaces. Then, I'm thinking ti trapped him. What If he didn't really want to roll out the cartoon, again, and again? I know how this feels, and it's not great, at all. If what you do on stage, doesn't really come from the heart, then it drains your lifeforce, at an astonishing speed. I'm more heartbroken for Keith, than I was, and in a different way. I realise some people won't get this - but looking at this from the point of view of being on stage - it really hits home, to me.

A sad day.

Found out that Keith Flint has died. Really sad news- and shocking too: suicide at the age of 49. A sobering day, and a bit of a sucker punch. The Prodigy were hugely important to me, to the band, to a lot of people. For me, though - it was that first album, and the rush I got, listening to those churning breaks, and riffs. I know it was Liam doing all of that, but it was Keith expressing it, on stage. I saw them play the Camden Palace, back in '92, and Keith just made it all make sense, to me. He got to live out the dream, to live through the music. That's all I'd ever wanted, being in a band. I didn't care they weren't my songs, I just wanted to have the music to play in the background, while I could look out across a sea of faces. That's what Keith did, and he did it better than anyone. I was in awe of him, if I'm honest.
Living the dream, and living it right, is sometimes better than actually dreaming it, in the first place.

Sunday Afternoon

...and I'm feeling a little out of sorts, myself. A little bit of the willpower I've gathered around food, and snacking too much, seems to have evaporated. I think it's time to knock the sugary stuff on the head again, and cut back on other fripperies. I've done so well over the last six months or so, that I don't want to see that effort wasted, even a tiny bit.
The wind is picking up - there's a storm on the way, apparently. So, it's time to light a fire, tidy up the house, get the bulletin sorted for tomorrow morning.

Spanner in the works

Milo's Birthday party today - except he's just decided to throw up. So, everyone's off to the cinema without him, poor love. Also means I have him all day tomorrow. Ah well, can't be avoided. This means i'm online perhaps more than I'd anticipated, today. So might try another blog post later. I know that my posting frenzy follows a long-established pattern - hey, I'm excited by the blog! Then - ah, I can't be bothered anymore....
So, I'm going to try and keep it up this time. After all, I managed sobriety, didn't I? Looking back through the archive, I'm absolutely astounded about how much I promised, in respect of kicking the booze, and how little I delivered. However, it's also heartening to see how close I got, in 2016, which was some sort of start. I gave up, finally, in September 2016.
Sobriety, above all else, is a battle of willpower, and If I won that battle, maybe i can do the same thing with Blog posts.
As I've said so, so many times, we'll see.

One of the best things about archives

Is seeing, and listening to what you were inspired by, so many years ago. I've found a few things that made the years fall away - The Upper Room, Trespassers William....but top of the pile has to be this. Some absolutely gorgeous Japanese minimal glitch-techno ambience. Phew. How fantastic is this? Above all, it reminds me of the train to Brighton. Sitting there, looking out of the window - past Thornton Heath, or Wandsworth Common, or Merstham, Horley - travelling home, when that was home. After a day of work in London, knowing that the seaside beckoned. No matter how packed, crazy, or delayed that train was - it was always a pleasure to relax, and leave my cares behind. This was the soundtrack to that journey, so many times. Listening to it, even now - I can hear why.

Need to get this out there

As a descriptive post, for where I am, and what I'm doing. I've had a little look back through the archives, and a lot of posts seem  to be anchored around times, places, and snapshots of my life.
So, I'm on the bed, it's a grey March morning. The cat is next to me, purring quietly. The kids are watching telly (Marnie) and playing PS4 (Milo). I've had my Soba noodles for breakfast, and I'm going to think about a stroll on the common, once Pip gets back from the gym.
The common has been a big thing for me, over the past six months. I've walked at least four miles a day, most days of the week. That's one of the reasons I'm skinnier than I was. That, and completely giving up alcohol. I read back through the archives, last night, and was astounded how much I used to drink, but also how much I revelled in it. Those days are gone.

Life's good. I mean - well, it always is, but it's good, this morning, it really is.

Another one of those"Hey, where did the time go?" posts

Ugh.
How long has it been? Social media has made blogging a bit redundant, for me - and I can't help thinking that's a real shame.
So, I'm going to try and put stuff up again, for the hell of it.
I've managed to turn a lot of things around, in the last couple of years, so being able to document some of those things will be ....beneficial, I think.
Plus, I've been looking back at the archives for this blog, and I always think how much I absolutely LOVED writing it. With that in mind, I've also decided to do a design revert - and take it back to the old school. This Orange theme was the first I ever used, IIRC. It's nice to have it back.