Old, old, school.

 I ventured back into the archives of this blog yesterday. Just wanted to get a sense of what still exists in the long cavalcade of descriptions, links, and more.

Well, a lot of it certainly now suffered from "link rot". So much pop culture detritus, so much merely fallen by the wayside. It's odd, looking back on those sorts of posts; sometimes there will just be something like "Oh wow, THIS is just fantastic!" and a signpost to nothing. I wonder where my head was, what I was searching for, and what made me smile.

But sometimes, it's still there. I'm incredibly heartened to find that this is still active. Ah, the internet. 

Blogging again.

 It's a simple process that I've done many, many times before. Here I am, back in front of a computer, blogging. But what gives me pause is the sheer number of times I've done this, the different locations, the times, the situations, and the years. 

Blogging is a mirror for life, it seems to me. Whereas social media; that's been a mirror for oneself. Or should that be one's self? Anyway, it quickly ended up as something altogether more narcissistic than its original potential. Which, to me, has always been a source of immense anguish. It's a missed opportunity, isn't it? All that guff about being an "influencer". When blogs started, there were pages and pages of lists - people's blogs, their lives. I can recall choosing a few randomly, and each one was glorious: a window into another life. 

Now - you have to follow people's insta. While you're doing that, they sell you things: items, food, clothes, and themselves. It all seems so dreary to me; I just can't abide it. 

I don't really want to sell; I just want to tell. Dumb shit about my life, what it feels like to be me. Or, at the very least, what I think it feels like. 

As I sit in front of this laptop, typing away, I can feel all the other keys of all the other computers. Sitting in my flat in Shepherds Bush or on a table in Queen's Park. At an old wooden bench, in my place in Brighton. Fragments of my journey, all playing instantly, simultaneously, in my head. 

Some of what I've written has been dull. Some of it was done while I was absolutely drunk out of my mind. Some more still, while I was in the throes of a divorce, some whilst I was falling in love. 

I like the fact that there is no "narrative arc" beyond that chaotic arc which bisects all our lives: a messy, undignified scrawl across the sky. Here's to more of that.

Eighteen.

 My blog is an adult! This week, it's eighteen years old. I can't quite believe it's been that long, of course - but I'm strangely reassured by how old-school it's remained. It's a Blogspot, through and through. So many of my contemporaries from then seem to have vanished, or headed over to WordPress. So much of the blogosphere (copyright - Web 2.0) has splintered. 

But I really do still like having a blog, as a fallback to that original ethos - a modest site where I can unload, where I can just talk randomly, about myself, and my life. 

The photo above is important, in that regard, as it shows where I am now, and I'd like to think it's also emblematic of the fact that I'm walking, travelling, still on that journey. When I began blogging, I was on a dial-up modem, in my one-bed pied-a-terre in Shepherd's Bush. An Xfm DJ, still married. Eighteen later? Divorced, remarried, two children, house in the suburbs. Some things remain the same (skating, music, Joneses) some things have changed dramatically (cycling, sobriety). Overall though, it's just an absolute relief to be able to document those changes, in the same place. Change itself, needn't be chaotic - it can underpin the constancy of our lives. That's what this blog means to me: an underpinning. A hope that I can find order amongst the flowing currents, and describe the feel of the water as it carries me, to wherever it will. 

 The Sun rises on the blog, once more. Social media is becoming a swamp, and I've fancied some anti-social media - and these days, that's blogging. It's solitary, contemplative, and it feels like no one really bothers to do it much - an immense shame. So, with this shot of an Ashtead sunrise, I hereby pledge to try and "give it a go", one more time. 

Westway has been such a huge part of my online life, and it's been there at times of need. So, I'm going to try and rely on it again.

Another Saturday night,

I'm sitting in bed, wondering what to write.
One of the good things about this blog is now letting everything just tumble out, across the page. I'm quicker at typing, so I'm quicker to just dash off some thoughts. Those thoughts then, correspondingly, come  out more accurately than they did in the past. It's great not knowing what a post will be, what I'll talk about - if indeed, I'll talk about anything in particular.
Today has been a day of DJ-ing-  another BFLF, at Fire, in Vauxhall. So much fun, and proof that it all still moves me, even after al these years. I sometimes feel I'm going to seem like a fraud, and not really mean it. But then, the volume cranks up, out come those kick drums, and I'm away. I love it.
And - me and Dylan make a great team. I'm immensely proud of what we've achieved, and thankful for the opportunity to work together.
It's late now, and the clocks change tomorrow. Less time in bed - ugh. Better get under those sheets.
G'night, all.

Hurrah!

One of the advantages of Google+ vanishing into the ether, is that  - here on this little blog - I'm reverting to a Blogger profile. There's something rather comforting about that, I must admit,
I'm sitting in bed, at the moment, musing on the indicative votes for the Brexit process (huge, huge sigh) and wondering whether to read a little more of the Murakami.
I've also been thinking, in a scattershot way, about lots of things from my past. Oddly, about when I sued to smoke. Coming back from Manchester, in a white 205 GT, doing 90mph down the M6. Stopping at the services, for snacks, and to sit in the hot sun. A full ashtray in the car. Rather shamefully, probably throwing the odd butt out of the window.
How did I do all of this? How did I not notice how bad the car smelled? Or how my clothes stank? All of my mistakes (for that's how they seem to me now) are a part of me, but it's strange trying to reconcile them with how I am now.

Just write

Sometimes, that's all I want to do. I'm actually getting better at typing now, so I can try and get everything out there, in real time. Previously, there always felt like there might have been some sort of disconnect. So, now I can let it flow, a little. Which feels good, and it's a little bit of a kick to the pants: a way of stimulating my thoughts, and laying them down on the page.
Today has been....OK, I guess. Some achievement, some forward progress. I'm a terrible procrastinator, so grinding the gears is a good thing.
More work on the new car issue (almost sorted - at least, decisions seem to be being made) and a lot of logistical focus on some upcoming shows. That includes, one in the US. First time for me, since a couple of months before 9/11. Time passes quickly, doesn't it?
And I finished the Murakami. I can't quite recall a time when a book moved me as much, and stayed in my mind. A long, slow, exhale. I'm buying another.

Link desert.

So many of the posts in my archives contain links. And frankly, a lot of them are useless. I wish I could see what on earth I was on about. Stuff like "THIS has been making me laugh all day". That's it. That's the sum total of a post, and it's just a dead link. I think, if I'm going to make this a valid reflection of my life, I have to be a little more perspicacious about dropping in links. I can recall when I learned how to do it, and then it unleashed a torrent of the damn things. All pointing this site into a myriad of other directions. I guess what I need now is just one direction: my own.

Adsense.

Well, I got rid of it.
I had "earned" about £1.20. In three years. They don't make any payments until you hit sixty quid - and at current rates, that was going to take another decade, or more. And looking at the blog, with adverts, it was really, really ugly. So, I'd rather do without the cash, and have this little diary of mine as a bit of an oasis, away from all of that commercial nonsense. Hope that's OK.

Spanner in the works

Milo's Birthday party today - except he's just decided to throw up. So, everyone's off to the cinema without him, poor love. Also means I have him all day tomorrow. Ah well, can't be avoided. This means i'm online perhaps more than I'd anticipated, today. So might try another blog post later. I know that my posting frenzy follows a long-established pattern - hey, I'm excited by the blog! Then - ah, I can't be bothered anymore....
So, I'm going to try and keep it up this time. After all, I managed sobriety, didn't I? Looking back through the archive, I'm absolutely astounded about how much I promised, in respect of kicking the booze, and how little I delivered. However, it's also heartening to see how close I got, in 2016, which was some sort of start. I gave up, finally, in September 2016.
Sobriety, above all else, is a battle of willpower, and If I won that battle, maybe i can do the same thing with Blog posts.
As I've said so, so many times, we'll see.

Need to get this out there

As a descriptive post, for where I am, and what I'm doing. I've had a little look back through the archives, and a lot of posts seem  to be anchored around times, places, and snapshots of my life.
So, I'm on the bed, it's a grey March morning. The cat is next to me, purring quietly. The kids are watching telly (Marnie) and playing PS4 (Milo). I've had my Soba noodles for breakfast, and I'm going to think about a stroll on the common, once Pip gets back from the gym.
The common has been a big thing for me, over the past six months. I've walked at least four miles a day, most days of the week. That's one of the reasons I'm skinnier than I was. That, and completely giving up alcohol. I read back through the archives, last night, and was astounded how much I used to drink, but also how much I revelled in it. Those days are gone.

Life's good. I mean - well, it always is, but it's good, this morning, it really is.

Another one of those"Hey, where did the time go?" posts

Ugh.
How long has it been? Social media has made blogging a bit redundant, for me - and I can't help thinking that's a real shame.
So, I'm going to try and put stuff up again, for the hell of it.
I've managed to turn a lot of things around, in the last couple of years, so being able to document some of those things will be ....beneficial, I think.
Plus, I've been looking back at the archives for this blog, and I always think how much I absolutely LOVED writing it. With that in mind, I've also decided to do a design revert - and take it back to the old school. This Orange theme was the first I ever used, IIRC. It's nice to have it back.

Oops.

I vanished for a few days.
Y'know, after a few years where I really didn't bother at all, I'm sure it's nothing, to some of you. But it does feel odd now, to me. I like how that's changed. I've got a sense of responsibility back, for this little blog. I must take care of it, as it bumps along the bottom, of a web that doesn't really care too much. If I don't take care of it - who will?
Anyway. What's been happening? Well, my ligaments are still aching. It's been going on for a few months now, and I'm getting tired of it. I had a brief interlude where what felt like  dislocated bone in my hand reset itself - but the pain is till there. I have more movement than I did, so I'm hoping it is just ligaments. We'll see. If it doesn't calm down any further by next week, a visit to the hospital may be called for.
Changes to my life? It's time for more exercise, I think. It's been too long, and I was getting rather rotund, at the start of the year. the lack of booze over the ensuing months has certainly helped, but I can, and will do more.
For now, it's been swimming, but I'll expand that to cycling, soon.
Without falling off, obviously.

Chrome Life

I do all of my work, most of my blogging - in fact, pretty much everything on Chromebook. Thinking about it now, it fits into the change I've been trying to achieve. It's lighter, cheaper, simpler. It's a rationalisation of my tech settings.
I like that I can search for simpler solutions: is there a chrome app instead of software? is there a cloud-based storage answer? I've changed a lot of my previous habits: chiefly, I no longer rely on huge storage-based software like iTunes and iPhoto. Google photos has sorted all my photos, and cured my need for a huge hard drive. iTunes? Well, it just feels like bloatware now, and I only really use it for organising files within Rekordbox.
I've had a macbook air, but just stopped using it. My iPad? That's just for playing pinball. I do use the iPhone 5s for most of my mobile needs, but the Chromebook really is the hub for everything.

I tripled my ad earnings with Adsense!

Yes, that's right! My balance is now 23 pence - that's up from 8 pence.
I have no idea what I'm going to do with all that money. I may retire. If anyone wants me, I'll be in the Bahamas.

Leftovers

Today, I've scientifically proved that leftover lamb, fried with a little ginger, and garlic, tossed in some sesame and soy oil, coated with a few spices, and given a slight drizzle of chili oil, is one of the greatest things ever. In other news, it would appear that in two short months, I've blogged more than I did in the preceding five years. That's an achievement, I think - don't you? I'm happy with the way I've changed myself, recently. The blog output is a conscious part of that, sure. I've intimated as much in previous posts. But there's more for me to do. I'm relishing the challenge of doing, feeling, experiencing more.

Another morning in the Gym

And again, another morning where i'm actually in the cafe, catching up on the CDNX content that needs editing, and taking a quick breather to blog.
There's definitely a sense of "pushing" to keep the blog going, at least for now, but i'm really happy to be doing it again. It's nice to unload, to vent, and to document. It's nice that I don't feel any pressure over how much I need to write, or about what. In some ways, it's easier than it was. Also, of course, blogging feels a little like last years social media activity, doesn't it? that's liberating, for me.
Any spotlight which might have been on me, is off. So I can do what I like. Instead of making me lazy, it's actually making me work harder.

Oh, and my apologies

..for farting around, constantly, with the template for this little blog, over the last few days. It's been a while since I blogged regularly, and firing it up, and seeing it in front of me, didn't feel as welcoming as perhaps it could have. So, I keep tweaking the design, to see if that helps. I guess what I really need is for the sense of familiarity to creep back. It'll take time, but it'll happen.

Once more, into the breach...

It's another one of those posts. Yet another one which says, dejectedly: "oh, it's been far too long".
But it has.

So, what to do? I toyed with the idea of winding this blog up. So many of the people who inspired my first attempts at blogging have themselves, given up. It can feel a little lonely, that's for sure. But, this blog has documented so much of my life, that i'm reluctant to drop it. But, to counter that, facebook has stripped it of some much which feels important - the sharing of images, photos, funny news, music i'm loving at that precise moment. The immediacy, the rush of creativity I used to be able to grasp by blogging - all of that has migrated elsewhere. So - what's the answer?
Well, Westway was always a haven for me, somewhere I could always be confessional, candid, and a little more measured.
My other web presence has ended up up being quite splintered: I have linkedin for professional stuff (yeah right, just like everyone says) my facebook for daily life, twitter for random things. I still have a valuable group of friends who came via friendfeed, and that's another part of who I am, on line.
But this little page? Well, I can strip away so much, and end up with....?
Well, a diary, I guess.
As I entered 2016, I felt myself changing slightly. I drink less, I organise more. I own fewer things, I want for even less. And I need to document, again.
So - could my little blog give me the chance to do that? Well, it would be nice if it could. Let's see, shall we?

Why I'm keeping this blog going

Well, it's simple really: nearly ten years. That's how long I've been doing this - sure, there have been periods of inactivity - but it's a huge chunk of my life! This 25% segment covers all of the incredible stuff too: my reincarnation as a Radio DJ, the divorce, the rebirth of the Joneses, the actual birth of my children.
Blogs are a little old hat now - everyone's got Tumblr, haven't they? But there's something about a blog -it's polite, measured, and slightly aloof. It's a place where you lot can actually find out what I'm like, as I tend to speak with my real voice. How many of you out there use facebook in a (let's face it) slightly preening fashion? I know I do - it's all about the smart remark, the witty rejoinder, the devastating putdown. In essence, facebook has actually become Lamebook, and most people seem to like it that way (it is great entertainment, after all)
But a blog - that's calmer. Quieter. I like it that way, and I'm keeping it that way.