Back to reality

 And back to the organisation, planning and plotting. Who knew that tours would be this draining - before they'd even started?

My soundtrack for today has been this:

Originally heard on Peel's show in 1981, I'm fairly sure I had to rely on Small Wonder to find a copy. It's an odd single in that it was reworked by Martin Hannett at one point - so that version should be the one which held my attention. Yet, it didn't. This original mix is far superior - Hannett's is too vague, too lacking in direction. A very rare misstep, that's for sure.

Today is all about rest, too. Managed to drop part of the oven on my foot, bruising it quite badly. Mind you, if you're going to knacker yourself before a tour, it's eminently sensible to get all of that out of the way before the fighting actually begins. 

I'm back, tentatively.

That was a brutal weekend. It took a while to dig myself out of that hole - and I still feel hollowed out and useless. Life's tough sometimes; it's not easy, it kicks you when you're down, and you don't feel like getting back into it again. But I have to start working. There are so many things at the moment which demand my full attention - there's a tour, a label deal, a publishing contract, voiceover work, and charity work. Ugh, even writing it all down is enough to throw me back down into the hole again.

But overall, I have to regain momentum. The key to that is the same thing it's always been. Self-belief. Once that takes hold, confidence rushes back in. Then, forward momentum is a given.

Turn it up. Make it work. 

 

Life, in timelapse.

 I've loved this song since I first heard it in the early 1980s. It's amazing to think it's been that long: when I first saw the film, its central message seemed to encapsulate a world fraying at the edges. In retrospect, it was actually a golden time compared to the shitshow we're currently living through. Anyway, "The Grid" is the obvious highlight of the record, and its shifting sense of psychedelia has stayed with me ever since. 

Seeing the notation for the song, though, was the moment in which the real importance of the music hit me. It's an unerringly accurate representation of what it feels like inside my mind. Everything is ostinato, and the patterns constantly shift, repeating, jumping, and underlining the power and intensity of the voices within. More than that, the intervals which pulse through those patterns give the impression that the song is moving from half-time to double-time. In reality, of course, the music merely keeps its steady state, moving relentlessly forward. There's a deep sense of wonder to see the shifting components of the song move and fragment - then coalesce once again. It's a dance, and it's the heartbeat of my life. 

A soundtrack for that planning

Just the perfect piece of music. I love the contemplative, wistful feeling it always evokes. There's a sense of melancholy - for the loss of childhood innocence, with all of its sense of promise and potential. But also, there's the glimmer of hope: that all of this can be remembered and revitalised. 

There's the perfect song for this first week of a brand new year. 

 

I'm not quite sure where forty years went.

 But that's what was filling my ears, forty years ago. It still sounds like the future. It still sounds just out of reach - nebulous. Like you can try and define it, but then it evades your grasp. 

God bless us all, everyone.

 Have a Goth Xmas! Well, have any sort of Xmas, basically. As long as you're all safe and healthy, and you're happy and fulfilled - that's good enough for me. 

It's been a good day here - lots of food, lots of presents, not too many arguments, not too much stress. That bloody head cold still refuses to shift, which is a bit of a nightmare. Still testing negative (I think it's nine in a row, and 11 in a 2 week period) but I'm left with an annoying little cough, and what feels like a head that's entirely composed of cotton wool.  I'm dog tired, too. Need to recharge my batteries. Mind you, it's also a week where I need to maintain pressure on my cycling training as well. There will be a Wanyudo club ride tomorrow - got to keep on keepin' on. 

Spinning out of control

 

Well, it might have been a bit of a headcold yesterday, but it REALLY hit me, today. Of course, this means I'm at the "constantly talking about my illness" stage of my illness, so I'm hoping it has peaked. I felt truly horrid this morning, but as the day has passed, I've begun to feel a little better. 

The Chris Cohen album has helped. It's been a day of drift, of time just....passing me by. If you've read any of my posts over the last week or so, you will probably have guessed that is something of a relief. 

I'm going to have some soba noodles, and (hopefully) an early night. That should do it. 

Is that it?

 For the great outdoors, I mean?

It seems as though it could be. The weather is certainly not set fair, for the next week. Bitterly cold, apparently, with more breezy conditions. So, after a week where I made sure to enjoy cycling the Surreylanes as much as possible, it could be back to the turbo trainer, for a while. That's not necessarily a bad thing: today saw me pelting down AlpeD'Huez, and then heading back up Llanberis pass. I do love the variety of locations it's possible to visit. 

All that - from the comfort of my front room.

Today, apart from the mountains, it's been a day to renew a passport and think about booking flights. A day to ponder future plans. A day to light the fire, sit on the sofa and listen to Thelonius.

 

Sitting on the bed

Listening to the kids having a story read to them. It's been quite a quiet bedtime tonight-  which is a blessed relief. Milo can certainly be....challenging, at times like this, so peace and tranquillity is something to revel in.
It's been a drifting day if I'm honest, but I did manage to get out to the gym and swim. I'm going to do my best to exercise as much as possible, this week. It's been tricky, over the past few weeks, and I'm feeling it. Haven't put any weight on, but I feel out of condition. I need more energy and drive.
and today has been soundtracked by Miles, as so much of my time is. 1958 Miles, to be exact. I'd love to know if there's a mono CD of it - that would be amazing. Must dive down a Google rabbit hole.

And this seems strangely fitting

Well, perhaps not so strange. There are times when it's just me, on this journey. Even if it means it's just me, thinking about everyone else. That's a vital part of togetherness - the solitude that engenders complete understanding of who you are. Then, you can work out how to do that dance, around all the people you love, and let them into your world, as you fall into theirs.

Oh go on, just one more.

If I'm going to Brazil, I'll be absolutely HAMMERING this (and the album it comes from)
Magical, psychedelic perfection.

Time to dream of what the next few days will hold. 'Night, all.

48 hours to go

Until I'm off to the airport. Still, after all this time, it seems faintly unreal.
I'm definitely getting excited, though. Should be a blast - if nothing else - to be able to kick back and relax, for a few days. As ever, I intend to try and soak up every last second of this time away, to imprint all of the sights, and sounds, and feelings, as firmly as I can, into my memory. I've learnt to love travel, doing it this way: journals, photos, diaries. Some tailored playlists, just the right book to read. Every last piece of clothing an essential. Nothing more, and nothing less than exactly what I need.
I'm still a bit disappointed I can't find this to put on a playlist - I need to just open the blog, in my Sao Paulo hotel room, and crank this nice and loud:

 Here's hoping for some rock solid wi-fi.

Can't quite make sense of the idea...

That's I'll be off to Brazil, in three weeks.

Seems so ludicrous. And let's face it, it's been a tortuous journey, to make this show happen - and the plane hasn't even lifted off the ground. One day, I'll tell it all. Anyway - it's on, and I must begin the process of preparation. One way that can be made a lot more enjoyable, is for me to start mentally packing that case, working out the dopp kit, musing on Spotify playlists, etc.
And if I'm doing THAT.....

Then it's odds-on that the new Hania Rani album will be somewhere near the top of the pile. Jeez, it's amazing. Like so much of the other output on the Gondwana label - it's this beautifully downbeat, contemplative Jazz-ambient melange of influences. It's just terrific. There's a Spotify curated playlist of Label tracks, that Hania has done too - I highly recommend it.

As an aside-

This is all I've wanted to hear, today. The sound of my 1980. Everyone I know, I'm wishing you, goodnight.

New Music

I spent most of 2018 a little confused about new music. I tried, with Spotfiy, to find a slew of new things, but always came up short: there just wasn't anything out there which grabbed me. Consequently, I spent most of the year wallowing in old favourites (trans: a lot of Miles Davis).

This year, however - it's a different story. Alongside Weyes Blood. I guess the biggest thrill for me so far is the new Chris Cohen album. It's wonderful, of course  - but it flits with a very fragile beauty. At first listen, it seemed a little out of focus, and I wasn't sure if it worked. There's this glorious moment for me, when listening to things online, that suddenly flips into genius. It always happens about forty seconds into a song: I'm thinking "oh this doesn't work, at all" and my finger hovers over the skip button. Then, there's the slightest hesitation - did I get it wrong? And in that moment, there's a sudden release, and the song unfolds its actual meaning. I love it when that happens, and if definitely happened with the Chris Cohen record. So, give it a go - and wait for that forty second reveal. It's worth it, trust me.

In Dreams

Vivid dreams last night - and more dreams of skyscrapers. It's a recurrent theme - for me, I'm not sure why. Always very tall, square, sheer sides. The whole thing is always quite "vertiginous". Lifts seem to play a constant role, and though the building never changes shape or narrows, the feeling of claustrophobia in the lift, as it reaches the summit, tends to increase. I think last night's dream featured a number of lifts: a main, large lift to a few floors before the top, and then having to switch to a smaller lift, for those final floors.
What it all means, I have no idea. I'm loathe to try and tie it to the current brexit brinkmanship, as it's a theme in my dreams that I've had for absolutely ages.
And - oddly, I dreamt of substances, too. Drugs that had no effect. Perhaps this is informed by my realisation (over the whole sobriety issue) that so much of that behaviour is essentially ritualistic.

Ah, that's quite enough soul-searching for now. Time to do the school run.

Stormy.

It's blowy, squally, and downright horrid out there. Marnie has her bikeability lesson today, which the school are adamant will NOT be changed, bad weather or not. Sheesh.
I've had a haircut (holiday trim - in time for Edinburgh!) and am not settling down to do some admin.

I'm also listening to a lot of tunes that Hall Blaine played on, as he's just passed away. RIP, to one of the greatest - if not THE greatest, ever. I could listen to him, all day long. This clip really sums up why: the song isn't really that remarkable, at all, but it's Blaine's beautifully poised, swinging beats, that lift it into the realm of sheer magic.

One of the best things about archives

Is seeing, and listening to what you were inspired by, so many years ago. I've found a few things that made the years fall away - The Upper Room, Trespassers William....but top of the pile has to be this. Some absolutely gorgeous Japanese minimal glitch-techno ambience. Phew. How fantastic is this? Above all, it reminds me of the train to Brighton. Sitting there, looking out of the window - past Thornton Heath, or Wandsworth Common, or Merstham, Horley - travelling home, when that was home. After a day of work in London, knowing that the seaside beckoned. No matter how packed, crazy, or delayed that train was - it was always a pleasure to relax, and leave my cares behind. This was the soundtrack to that journey, so many times. Listening to it, even now - I can hear why.

Pleasure

I do love it, when albums reappear, in my life. Not only that, but when they are much, much better than you remembered. Case in point: "Music For Pleasure", by the Damned. The standard critical response is that it's a terrible album - a misfire after the sheer brilliance of "Damned Damned Damned"

Well, I'm listening to it again - and it's absolutely fantastic. It's aged so much better than you might have thought. The production is a little thin, and the vocals don't really gel with the tracks as well as they could - but apart from that, it's great. This is going to be stuck to Tidal, for the foreseeable future.

Hold on, where did the time go?

It's been - well, it's been busy.
I made a video for the new single, which was a somewhat tortured process, but ultimately rewarding. I used Rotor, which is a truly revolutionary way of allowing artists to make video content - I just need to practise a little more! Hopefully, I'll get that chance - the plan is to release visual montages for each of the three tracks on the forthcoming EP. So, one down, two to go.
Apart from the Joneses - change has been progressing, as ever. I'm a little lighter now, which is nice, I was a little flabby at the start of the year. I look back on some of the photos of myself in Tokyo, and wince. I'm about half a stone lighter now, which is great. A start. I've been exercising, and eating better, and the drop in alcohol consumption must have helped too.
One of the nice things about reducing my alcohol intake has been the return of my senses. I can taste, and smell things with greater clarity -  which was a huge surprise. I'm not complaining though, at this time of year, there's an ozone freshness to the air, and the smell of flowers, grasses-  even weeds, can be quite overpowering.
I'm drinking all of that in, instead.