Ads.

You may have noticed (hey, who am I kidding, I'm not sure anybody actually reads this blog) that I've put some adsense ads on the site. I'm not entirely sure why: it breaks the artistic integrity of the page (he said, snootily) and it's....well, it's a sell-out, isn't it?
But, in the spirit of change, I've decided that I might as well give it a go. My earnings to date, over the history of this little blog, have been eight pennies. So I'm not expecting fame and fortune. I just wanted to see what happens. Curiosity has got the better of me, again.
In other news, the lyrics to "Right Here Right Now" are going to be in The Rock'n'Roll Hall Of Fame. I'm sending them, via FedEx, tomorrow. Very odd to think that this little song, which Mike wrote in that grotty flat, at 210a Chapter Road, in Dollis Hill, has travelled so far.
Right, time to get back to CDNX stuff. I've not really explained a lot about CDNX, have I?
Well, it's a new Radio station. My third (or fourth) venture into the medium. There was Xfm, then NME Radio, then the Music Machine, and now this. I've been reading the music news bulletins for some time, and there's the very real possibility i might end up doing an actual show, later this year. I'll keep you all posted.

More change.

..and one of the things that I'm obsessed with, in the process of change, is the personal challenge: can I do things differently? What happens if I change my behaviour incrementally? It's fun to know that I can - and that the process of change is seldom disruptive.
So - the latest lifetweak: read more books. Nice and simple. Went to the charity shop yesterday, picked up a copy of "A Town Like Alice". That's a good place to start, isn't it?
No screens at bedtime - no phone, no laptop, no iPad. Jump in the shower, jump into bed, read.
Will be interesting to see how long I can keep this up - and how many books I can get through.

More rediscovery.

This article had me running back the The Sound albums. Boy, they were great. If you're not aware, I suggest you investigate, pronto.
Other things happened to me today. I was musing on how easily I'd been able to give up alcohol (for periods at a time, obviously), but how I still surrounded myself with things which didn't really do me much good. So, I'm cutting down on anger. On arguments, and negativity. All of those things create a climate of anger, which builds, and builds, until it dissipates, one way or another. Sometimes anger can be an energy (as someone famously said) but for me, I didn't like the unpredictable nature of release.
So - facebook groups that launch into arguments, bad drivers, internet comments - things will have to go.
And will I miss them?
No.

Stormy Weather.

I'm not sure if it's a hurricane, or a tropical storm. Or a winter storm. Actually, I think it's "Storm Katie". Whatever, it's battering at the windows, as I sit typing this. I've always loved sitting watching the rain, through the garden windows. I did it a lot as a kid, and I still do it now. It's the juxtaposition, isn't it? Between chaos and calm, warmth, and cold. Wet and dry. To experience both states, at once, sort of.
The long Easter weekend continues, but with slightly less tantrums today. That's a blessed relief, let me tell you. And we get to cap it all off with a night out. We're off to the Caballo Lounge in Epsom, with Clare & Damien. Not sure whether I'll have Tapas (which I did before) or head off into the outer reaches of the menu. As long as I have my weekly drink with it, I guess I'll be OK.
Starting to think about my next DJ stint, which is at the BFLF gig in Hackney. My head's full of breakbeat hardcore, as I think what to play. No bad thing, I guess.

Easter.

A couple of weeks with Marnie, and a long Weekend with Milo. so, as you might expect, lots of stress, arguments and tantrums. Hey, that's the joy of children, right?
It's been a long day - my UP thing tells me I did over 10,000 steps, and that was even after I'd spent a few hours in the cinema (watching Zootropolis). I'm now in bed, ready to sleep the sleep of the just.
Tomorrow night is a beer night! My first alcohol for over a week, how odd.

Idiot Box

If I'm thinking about change then there's one way that I've totally, completely changed. I never watch TV any more. This evening, I sat down, on my own (Philippa was off at a "Gym Parents" open evening) and turned on the television. I'd taped nothing that I wanted to see. I scrolled through the Sky movies. Netflix. The planner, the TV guide.
Nothing.
There were times when I'd watch soaps, or sports. Films, comedy, maybe just Sky News. Now? I need that big black box less, and less. It's not that I've replaced TV with other media - I don't watch endless youtube videos, or torrent the latest series.
In fact, in a world seemingly ruled by new entertainment series - I've withdrawn almost totally. I've never watched The Wire, of Mad Men, Or Game Of Thrones, or the Walking Dead.
My life now has nothing episodic about it, so I suppose that's reflected in the entertainment I do choose.
The music I love, the food I cook. The children I'm bringing up.
Bye, telly. It's been fun.

Life in Tokyo

God, I miss Shinjuku. just looking at the view makes me want to go back, as soon as possible. It's an odd feeling, I feel almost....homesick. Very odd, when it's not home.
I learned a lot about Tokyo on my visit earlier this year, but more than that - I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to be myself, to feel comfortable, to be self-contained. To stride out into the world, without fear or hesitation, without guile or invention. It's part of the reason I came back energised, wanting to change myself. not forever, but in the small, subtle ways which would result in a fresh way of thinking.
I'm getting there.
But I still need to get back to Tokyo.

Leftovers

Today, I've scientifically proved that leftover lamb, fried with a little ginger, and garlic, tossed in some sesame and soy oil, coated with a few spices, and given a slight drizzle of chili oil, is one of the greatest things ever. In other news, it would appear that in two short months, I've blogged more than I did in the preceding five years. That's an achievement, I think - don't you? I'm happy with the way I've changed myself, recently. The blog output is a conscious part of that, sure. I've intimated as much in previous posts. But there's more for me to do. I'm relishing the challenge of doing, feeling, experiencing more.

Torpor

That's a good way to describe today.
Last night was a large one - someone's fiftieth. So, I was drinking - it's my one day of the week. I found I enjoyed the drunk feeling, up to a point, but the hangover and lethargy of today wasn't a great deal of fun. I think the issue for me is that I like to drink, but can't ever differentiate between social bonhomie, and tying one on.
And that's what leading me to the conclusion I need to find out where that point is - identify it, and recognise it.
Otherwise, It's a regression.
Other things that happened today? Chinese food. A lot of it.
And this too -

Another morning in the Gym

And again, another morning where i'm actually in the cafe, catching up on the CDNX content that needs editing, and taking a quick breather to blog.
There's definitely a sense of "pushing" to keep the blog going, at least for now, but i'm really happy to be doing it again. It's nice to unload, to vent, and to document. It's nice that I don't feel any pressure over how much I need to write, or about what. In some ways, it's easier than it was. Also, of course, blogging feels a little like last years social media activity, doesn't it? that's liberating, for me.
Any spotlight which might have been on me, is off. So I can do what I like. Instead of making me lazy, it's actually making me work harder.

Get Off My Island

I've been listening to the Dumptruck album "for the country", all day.
1987, what a year. I was working at Our Price, I was happy, settled, carefree. The songs I heard in 87 opened my eyes and ears to a world of possibility, of love and hope. The records from that year might not be the greatest records ever made, but when I listen to them now - they feel like that, to me.

We're back!

Today, I've been listening to the new Jesus Jones demos. there's a pair of new tracks ("How's This Even Going Down?", and "Fall") and a reworking of "Stripped". I have to say, the latter is just....amazing. It's noisy, unruly, and utterly ace. It's nice to think that they're the best things we've done for at least a decade.
Mind you, they're the only things we've done for a decade.
Anyway, now the real work starts: working out how to release it all.
Apart from that, it's chilli night. We had a lovely piece of topside for Sunday lunch, and the leftovers will be put to good use tonight.

Transference

I'm taking a little of the energy of my new-found sobriety, and channelling it. I'd like to see if I can do something. So, I'm picking up the guitar again. Time to dust off the Telecaster, and learn to play, if I can. I've spent the money I would have blown on booze, on a little practice amp - a blackstar, no less. So I can see if I can achieve something.
My goal is to take energy, and move it. From somewhere that was basically just a bit destructive, for me, into somewhere better. There are equals and opposites at work here, and I want to see if I can ride the tiger in a different direction.
Mind you - above all else, I do want to see if I can avoid being some preachy arsehole about all of this.
Drinking was fun. A lot of fun. But I'm having a different kind of fun. That's all.
And I'll still have a beer or three, once a week.

Wanting more sleep - but, getting it? A different matter.

Philippa's got me trying her old fitness tracker thing. It says I slept for five hours last night, but I still don't really trust it. Within those sleep stats it appears to assert I never woke up, yet I did. The TV came on, twice, to try and update software (one of the mot annoying things, ever) and both kids came in to sleep in our bed.
So, does this tracker learn that sort of stuff? I'm not sure. Also, I feel like it's snooping on me. I guess it is, but I'm not entirely happy with it, so far. Maybe I need to get used to the whole thing.
*sigh*
Anyway - today? Not much, hopefully. A little light gardening, and roast beef for our tea.

time to sleep.

One of the things about having kids, is that I now want to sleep as much as possible. It's the end of a long, tiring day, and i'm knackered. Sitting in  bed, blogging, and about to turn out the light. At quarter to ten, on a Friday evening. How's that for rock'n'roll, eh?
Another thing that's got me wanting more sleep is the whole "not drinking as much" phase i'm going through. Or, is it just a phase? The funny thing is - there's a point where drinking less alcohol becomes mixed up with actually wanting less alcohol. That's where I am at the moment. Have I lost the taste for it? I'm not sure. Philippa was off out tonight, and took a bottle of gin with her, for the ladies of the estate. Before she went, I furtively opened the bottle, and took a sniff of that lovely gin aroma (not a sip, honest) The smell? wonderful. Did I want to take a shot? Well, to be completely honest, I didn't.
Blimey, maybe I am changing. Pretty seismic, if it's true.