A little tweaking.

 I love cycling, but truth be told - I love all the tinkering, and frivolous purchasing, just as much. Trawling eBay for bargains, looking at websites, reading reviews, it's just as cathartic as actually being on the bike. In idle moments, your imagination can just drift, as you wonder about changing some small facet of the overall geometry of the bike, and try to imagine how much better your experience will be, as a result. 

Thus, it's time for a new stem. I went from a 100mm, to a 90mm stem. As you can (hopefully!) see from the photo, it's a Felt stem - the same as the original frame. Alloy, superlight, nice and stiff. Plus, it matches everything else, which is crucial for....well, style, I guess. But seriously, on the turbo trainer, "compressing" your stance slightly, seems to pay huge dividends. there's less worry about aches and pains on long rides because I can't particularly be arsed to keep going past ninety minutes. And it does seem to help with power output, and comfort when you're on the hoods. Maybe out on the road, the handling could be a little more twitchy, but I'm not on the road! This bad boy came from eBay, and it was brand new, fitted perfectly (as it replaces a stem that's exactly the same in all other respects except length) and cost about a tenner. For all of the daydreaming about results, the fiddling with my setup, and the feeling of satisfaction that you get when you chase an idea - I'd say that represented decent value for money. 

I've got a bit of a head cold for today (my first since the pandemic!) and consequently, it's a rare "off" day, but I hope to try and get a recovery ride in, tomorrow. I'll let you know how it feels.

It's the little things

 I'm quite amazed at what it takes to make me happy. Specifically - this:

It's a CD player. Remember those? For some time now, I've flitted from streaming service to streaming service. Let's try Tidal! OK, how about Amazon Prime, with HD?

But there was always something missing. I could listen on a laptop, or on my earbuds, but it wasn't quite right. I needed a wider, stereo soundscape. I needed to listen, how I used to listen. I've got vast amounts of CD's, but they've languished, for years.

But yesterday, I just thought - oh, sod it, let's see if I can knock something together. So, an old mini-hi-fi unit, out of the loft. Found the remote, whacked in some batteries. Found a power cable. Got a pair of bookshelf speakers, again - out of the loft. Then it was about 20 minutes of agro, moving cables and devices, in the unit in the lounge. But, miraculously, it all fired up the first time - and straight out of the box, it sounds incredible. I'd forgotten how wonderful CD's can be - how uncluttered, unfussy, and simple. They sound great, and the presence of the music is intoxicating. 

I'll see if I can whack up a photo of the first pile of CD's I cobbled together, to be able to play. It's quite informative.

Back to Life, back to reality.

It's been a difficult week, as a bit of insomnia has returned, with its resulting feeling of fogginess, and distraction. Just what you do not need when you've got a long list of things to be working on. Chiefly - a huge pile of albums, to approve. I've got white labels for everything we ever did, plus a couple of *ahem* secret projects. Very cool. Just wait until you see the artwork.

So, to keep my head on my shoulders, it's back onto the turbo trainer. The Felt frameset works brilliantly, and so does the Ultegra R8000. A compact crankset is a boon, too - as the hills seem more intense when momentum doesn't really exist to carry you up those early slopes.

I do need to think about changing the saddle though. I've got a Seele San Marco Mantra Superleggera on the Giant, but that's overkill. I Will investigate the same size and shape, but a heavier model. Need that saddle profile, as I'm starting to miss it. 

One of those weeks

 

And by that, of course, I mean a gig week. This time, it's been a long time. Far too long - for obvious reasons. so, it's strange to be doing it again, but wonderful, too. We've already got the first couple of hurdles out of the way - shows supporting the Sisters Of Mercy, and an appearance at Camper Calling, but it's time to do it on our own.

Back to the rehearsal studio, then. For so many years, this was at Survival, in North Acton. We'd rehearsed there before the band became famous, and we just carried on, creatures of habit. There were periods where we rehearsed intensively; the most notable of these around the tours for "Perverse", and "Already". As the most tech-heavy of the sets we played, these needed lots of extra work, and a schedule that drifted into monotony. We'd be block-booked for a couple of weeks, with the entire stage set-up meticulously constructed. We'd arrive at 10, work for three hours, break for lunch up in the canteen, and then get back to it, until 5. After a week or so, the impetus to keep going rapidly diminishes, you just get so sick of the songs. But it does help - we ran through "Idiot Stare" so many times that it became second nature.

That's definitely at the heart of our rehearsal strategy now - second nature, and muscle memory means we're less likely to need such an intensive programme of preparation. For the last few years, we've decamped to our new studios in Surrey, for two weekends. Then, we dropped that to one. We'd block book an evening, and the following morning, so the gear could stay up. Run through the set a couple of times on each day.

But after the shows this year, it's become apparent that we really do have that degree of second nature, down to a fine art. We dropped our rehearsal requirement again. We now do one day. Not only that but one session! So, in at 6pm, done by 10. Run through the set once, and give extra attention to the "new" songs. For the purposes of most rehearsals, this just means songs that are making a reappearance in the set, that we've not played for a while. Just blast through these with much more emphasis - perhaps two or three times in a row. Play through the whole set, then back to those songs, again. We're done within two, or three hours.

I do like how the times have changed, but there's still a part of me that misses the repetition, as it was a part of my life, a routine that underpinned who I was. 

Self-portrait, of the artist as an older man.

 I thought it best to update the blog, by updating you on what I'm like, after a two-year hiatus. The answer? A lot fitter. A lot skinnier. Seriously, I'm a twenty-eight-inch waist, for God's sake. I don't think my waist looked like that when I was eighteen. The reason behind all this should be clear from the photo: I've been cycling. Constantly.

it started as a way to deal with lockdown, and regain the freedom of movement that I felt I'd lost, but it ended up being an obsession. I'm intensely relaxed about that, though. It's lovely to hyperfocus on something again. It's very similar to the way I approached skating when I was a kid - I wanted to get inside it, and learn what it felt like. It was about emotion and purpose, about philosophy, as much as it was about frontside grinds. It was about understanding location, context and the space around me (and inside my head). I went on a journey around the local streets, but in the words of XTC, became a man who sailed around his soul.

 The Sun rises on the blog, once more. Social media is becoming a swamp, and I've fancied some anti-social media - and these days, that's blogging. It's solitary, contemplative, and it feels like no one really bothers to do it much - an immense shame. So, with this shot of an Ashtead sunrise, I hereby pledge to try and "give it a go", one more time. 

Westway has been such a huge part of my online life, and it's been there at times of need. So, I'm going to try and rely on it again.

More thinking

While in the New Forest, for a family holiday. I thought of time running in both directions, again. How my self - now, could affect my self, then. I actually rolled it around in my head, until it took shape. The shape of something I half-remembered, from my childhood. A memory that bubbles up, every once in a while. It all feels quite...cinematic. A widescreen look at a narrow feeling.
I can recall standing in a field, by the entrance to Dauntsey's school - as the path to the school winds past fields and stream. I stood by the bank of that stream, looking at a viaduct, and the trains that passed to the east. Heading up to London. I can hear myself saying "take me with you", under my breath. I can still feel that back then, life was passing me by - now, has it still? Or do I want it that way?
I'm not sure.

I always thought stories had an end. Now, I think they never end.

What's a day in the holidays actually like?

Today felt very...standard. Archetypal. Some dozing (twenty minutes!), some baking (Marnie wanted to make cupcakes - again) some work (ROCCR stuff, as well as a bulletin for tomorrow) and some lunch (hummus, peppers, yoghurt)
So, I was grateful that I started off the day, on my bike. A quick loop around Epsom common, then around Horton Park, and then Ashtead common as well. With the sun rising over the trees, and no-one else on the trails, at all. With the smell of leaves, and soil, and Buddleia, and brambles. I think a fairly decent word for all of the assault on my senses would be "fecund".
Would like to do it again tomorrow, but I suspect that the weather may thwart my plans.

I went out on my bike today.

And it made me feel like a kid again. Everyone says that, I'm sure. "Oh, I felt like a child, it was wonderful". But this was something else. I mean, I really did feel young. Like I'd regressed. Like I could see, somehow, How I was. I could feel the same way. And oddly, time seemed to be flowing both ways. As fast as I was heading towards old age and death, I was running as hard as I could, in the opposite direction. To be who I was, and to feel what I feel. All of it was there, every instant. How odd is that? All from a bike ride.

Needed a quick break.

Every now and again, you have to do it.
My year is starting to turn around, gradually. The two big foreign JJ jaunts - which were huge sources of stress - are now over. There's another tour in the Autumn - but that's 3 months away. For now, I can relax a little, and focus on the Kids, and ROCCR.
But, I'm also looking at my life, more than I used to. One of the benefits of sobriety seems to be the sense of living, absolutely, in the moment. I feel like I've got my memory, and my memories back, and they swirl around my head, constantly. I can feel, smell, taste, the things I di - ten, twenty, thirty years ago. It can be a little bewildering, but at the same time, it's filling me with a pure sense of wonder.

Sitting on the bed

Listening to the kids having a story read to them. It's been quite a quiet bedtime tonight-  which is a blessed relief. Milo can certainly be....challenging, at times like this, so peace and tranquillity is something to revel in.
It's been a drifting day if I'm honest, but I did manage to get out to the gym and swim. I'm going to do my best to exercise as much as possible, this week. It's been tricky, over the past few weeks, and I'm feeling it. Haven't put any weight on, but I feel out of condition. I need more energy and drive.
and today has been soundtracked by Miles, as so much of my time is. 1958 Miles, to be exact. I'd love to know if there's a mono CD of it - that would be amazing. Must dive down a Google rabbit hole.

And this seems strangely fitting

Well, perhaps not so strange. There are times when it's just me, on this journey. Even if it means it's just me, thinking about everyone else. That's a vital part of togetherness - the solitude that engenders complete understanding of who you are. Then, you can work out how to do that dance, around all the people you love, and let them into your world, as you fall into theirs.

Breakfast again.

I feel slightly lethargic today. I guess that it has something to do with not exercising for a while - I've just been too busy. Need to get out there and do it, really. It's a Monday, so it's a perfect time - the cleaner is busy in the house, so lazing around here isn't any fun, and to underscore that, the builder will be here doing the bathroom. It's a soggy, drizzly morning, so it seems like a good idea to get out and hit the gym. Could swim? In the rain? That's always a cathartic thing. As ever, my exercise is more about a state of mind, than a state of the body.
A great weekend (well, for me) as I managed to go and do some DJ-ing. It always chills me out and makes me think. I have a million ideas flying around - and I need to rationalise as many of them as is possible.

Sunday Morning

Suffused with a strange mix of melancholy, and contentment. Like  I'm being pulled in a couple of different directions. IT's early, and I'm having breakfast on my own - as is so often the case. Noodles, coconut milk, green tea. A glass of cranberry juice, my multivitamins. Everything is quiet, it's just me, and the birdsong. At times like this, time seems to slow to a crawl. I'm looking around the house - it really needs a tidy - that's my first job, once I've drunk my tea.

It's nice to be busy

But then again, sometimes, you can be a bit too busy.
this week has ended on a rather high note though - with a business meeting that sees me wander off into an area I've not really inhabited before. I'm running with some ideas that have been bubbling up to the surface, ever since the demise of Pledge Music. Essentially, it's very, big news, indeed. I'm excited, let's put it like that.
But all of that is just the start of a journey that can twist and turn, and whose destination is still somewhat obscure. I'll be updating you all, as and when.
Apart from that, it's been a week of some chaos, as the process of replacing two of our bathrooms has begun. Mess, noise, and the sense that your house isn't your own: I don't love renovations, I must say.
I've managed to escape, on a couple of occasions, but utilising the gravel bike. It's a Pinnacle Arkose Two, and it's huge fun. 27" wheels, drop bars, ten speed. It's really nippy, around the paths on Ashtead Common - it absolutely shoots up the hills. A little bumpy over the top, but you can't have it all. I do think I need some dedicated clothing though - road gear just isn't cutting it.