The Onion does it yet again.
OAKLAND, CA—The headquarters of personalized online music provider Pandora remained in a state of chaos Thursday as frantic workers struggled to find a song that 32-year-old Boston subscriber Dave Lipton would enjoy.
"It's called 'Steely Dan Radio,' for Christ's sake—why does he keep skipping over Donald Fagen's 'The Nightfly'?" song-selection associate Lincoln Foster said as he rifled through a laundry cart full of CDs labeled "'70s Jazz Fusion." "We've already thrown three-decades-worth of Doobie Brothers at him. What the hell does this guy want?"
"At this point, I think he's just fucking with us," Davis continued before scaling a 30-foot ladder to retrieve a vinyl-only release by obscure Illinois ska-core group the Blue Meanies.
Pandora executives acknowledged that the periodic Heineken and Ford Sales Event advertisements in Lipton's music stream are the only thing currently keeping the company from shutting down, declaring bankruptcy, and abandoning its manual music upload process.
Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man LikesRead more at www.theonion.com